The Old Green Box on the Ballyfoyle Road...
could be an old Irish lament, the sort of thing your drunk uncle launches into as he wobbles beside the casket holding your dearly departed Granny.
It is in fact a much sadder affair. The box in question is a fibre-optic cabinet capable of delivering blistering internet speeds to the denizens of rural Ireland, and it is the last of its breed on the twisting road into darkest Kilkenny.
Minister for Communications, Denis Naughten, recently announced that the pitiful distribution of this essential utility is to be handled by the private sector, delivering a fifty percent reduction in governmental costs.
Fucking great, Dinny. We all know how wonderful something is when you get it for half-price.
Current speeds in the Dunmore/Ballyfoyle area are under 2MB. To put that in agricultural parlance, it is a stream comparable to that delivered by an old bull with a dodgy prostate.
So, who is leading the bidding to deliver us into this bright new tomorrow? Who else but Eir, formerly Eircom, formerly Telecom Eireann, formerly Posts and Fucking Telegraphs, and formerly Man With A Chisel Carving A Headstone.
The next box you see on the Ballyfoyle Road will be the one I'm carried in.