Sunday, August 5, 2012

Gratuity Not Included

Two heavyset men meet outside the Starlight Diner. 

They give each other a manly hug, grabbing forearms and slapping backs. They look like a couple of grizzly bears frisking each other for salmon. They come into the diner and take a booth nearby. They speak with Western US accents; their conversation goes like this:

"If I have a stroke, all bets are off. Remember the time I broke my leg? That cost seventy two hundred dollars."
"Should have broken your leg in Canada, heh-heh."
"Very funny. I read an article in Time magazine. Don't usually read it. Ultra liberal. Some guy called Joel Stein/Joel Steen."
"What was it about?"
"Social security. He's concerned about our kids."
"A liberal is concerned about our kids? Heh-heh."
"They'll never see social security. What do you think of the flat tax?"
"I like the flat tax"
"I'm in favour of it. Everybody thinks I'm crazy. Everybody I talk to says, don't go there. I believe in the flat tax. We got a flat tax, cash is king"
They order two mounds of food. They eat. The check arrives.
"Okay. We got a check for twenty dollars. I leave ten, you leave ten. I leave a dollar for a tip, you leave a dollar for a tip."
"Is that enough?"
"Cash is king my friend, cash is king."
The men leave. A busboy clears the table. The waiter picks up the two single bills and looks at George Washington.
"Cheap fucking bastards."

View from outside the Starlight Diner

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